1. Turn the microwave into a time machine.
2. Grow my beard longer than my own height.
3. Run over Andrew Lloyd Webber with a transsexual train.
4. Write a musical about it.
5. Write a feature film about writing a musical about transsexual trains.
6. Kill off one of the cast so it gets big press.
7. Buy a cat.
8. Take lots of pictures and subtitle them all with moronic language.
9. Shave the cat.
10. Get plastic surgery to look like the queen.
11. Become a master of evil and spread pestilence across the country.
12. Rick roll Rick Astley.
13. Tube roll Rick Astley.
14. Sausage roll Rick Astley.
15. Mmm… Sausage.
16. Destroy the one ring in the fires of Mound Doom.
17. Wear a cup on my head for an entire month.
18. Polish the table in the kitchen.