Watchmen

Do not believe yourself when you watch this movie and think it is awesome, it has a lot going for it and Zack Snyder deserves a round or two for pulling off what most film makers could not have, but he has certainly not, in my mind, transformed Watchmen appropriately into film. Aside from differences in the original storytelling that do not translate well into film, a forgivable exersize, perhaps, Watchmen makes enough mistakes on it’s own back to start putting it highly on my list.

The script was written well enough, presumably because they took their lines directly from the book, and most of the main cast were watchable (specifically Rorschach and the Comedian) with the exception of ozzy, who is garishly young and yet not nearly as cocky as he should be. The sound design is clumsy, too, keeping a very specific ‘Hallelulah’ so awkwardly placed it offset the mood of the entire scene following it. The cinematography is amazing but at times Snyder focuses a bit too much on trying to make the film look awesome and completely forgets that Watchmen was about the story, it is upsetting to see trivial changes that just offset the meanings behind the plot. Still, it is these excessive additions that have left me thinking that Watchmen could have been a much better film. The clever sublty (something we know Snyder knows nothing of) of the original story is lost in translation (along with other things). New things have been added to make the film reach a wider audience, the ultraviolent action sequences and grotesquely pointless love scenes were never as relevant or exaggerated as they are in the film version. I find it pretty insulting, as a viewer, to suggest that these additions improve the film experience, I imagine (if anything) they cut down on the audience able to see it, and they draw the focus of the entire meaning (and the fact that these are meant to be normal people in costume, that was a crucible part of the graphic novel).

For all it’s glory, I can still only give it a 6/10.
Read the graphic novel!

Neverwhere

I’ve just finished watching the 6 episodes of the series ‘Neverwhere’ by Stardust writer Neil Gaiman, apparently dug out of some old archive of television and put up online. It appears to be avoiding any DVD release at any point soon, but it’s not too hard to get hold of.

I saw it originally on IMDB, after deciding that Niel Gaiman’s works translate into film rather well, and I looked through the rest of his stuff. I was surprised to find out that he wrote Neverwhere directly into a series after having watched some of it, it’s something that could definatley achieve more as a book, without the constraints that 1996 television would put it into.

It’s a weird series to watch because of it’s budget appearance and odd writing. Watching at first was mostly out of curiosity, to see where it was leading (and if it was any good) but at some point in the middle of the second episode I started to really enjoy it.

Set in an alternate world under london, it follows the ‘taken into another world’ idea where you follow the story of Richard Mayhew, your bog standard office worker who has a slightly unbelievably boring life. Parts of the introduction I did not like, the eggagerated abrasiveness of his girlfriend and the general disillusionment in London, for me, show a lack of imagination. Or a lack of will to try something different. It made it difficult relating to the main character at first, but when you threw off the shackles of the introduction (and my dislike for the main set of characters) the story began to shape well.

You can see the actors become a little more comfortable with their characters after a while, whether that was merely introspection or not I don’t know, and the later plot ideas are more engaging.

My biggest problem with Neverwhere is the two ‘evil’ characters, Mr Croop and Mr Vanderbar (or whatever). They have moments of exellent writing, and the casting seems good enough, but when they are not being exellent they are sucking balls. They just seem a bit over the top, and perhaps even like shadows of the two mercenaries in Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather (a good book, and a good mini-series to boot).

Overall, I really liked the series, with it’s high points being in the middle where Gaiman played about with the idea of a world under London, and what it meant to live in this world. The story is still not as imaginative as MirrorMask, or Stardust, and the script isn’t as tight as I expected from him, but in some ways I can now see the progression he has made as a writer.

It does irk me though, seeing reviews like this one by ‘Andy’ who is a ‘film critic’ and has completely ignored the fact that it was written as a series before the book. I just find it laughable that he’s made the comparison as if some studio had stolen the story and butchered it for their evil empire.

Alright mate. Go for it.

7/10

Story Tetris.

I have now finished the third series of My Name Is Earl completley, and I have to say I was surprised at how good it was considering I had been told it wasn’t as good as the first two series’. Perhaps it’s because it’s something I’d like to be writing myself, but there were lots of parts to it that really struck me as clever. The settings change, but they manage to write around a lot of the situations flawlessly, and though a couple of the endings were predictable, they were only so because they were exactly what needed to happen.

More and more I love self referencing in series’ like this, My Name Is Earl has got an almost Simpson-esque collection of sub cast members that really bring it to life. I love seeing older characters return in a different episode, all chipping into the story in amusing ways. Not only the characters are here, but the stories and events too. It’s great bringing older things to the newer series, but in series 2 and 3 you see the new episodes go back to the old ones and add more depth to parts of the story we’re already comfortable. It might get a little confused, but I personally love seeing everything fit into place.

Perhaps it’s because I play tetris too much. Anyway, very watchable.

- teh Beard.

The ‘Crap-enning’

I was privileged enough to visit the overpriced Odeon cinema in Southampton this thursday with good company, and instead of waiting around and not doing anything like you’d expect we went and watched a movie. I quite like movies, I have even watched one during the process of writing this blog (yeah, this one has taken a long time). The movie I saw was the Happening, from the same director/writer as The Sixth Sense and Signs, M. Night Shyamalan.

I find mr M rather hit and miss, I liked Unbreakable and Signs, but the Sixth Sense is very overrated and his last movie, The Lady in the Swimming Pool. It was very miss. Very miss. I think perhaps his ego developed a little too much after his earlier success and now he’s starting to imagine his shit a rather shiny gold colour, and not the usual crap we all expect. Arrogance and self-awareness rarely go hand in hand, you should know that M.

Still, I went into this movie hopefully, I had seen some bad reviews but M himself had quoted this movie as a ‘B movie with good production values’. I figured that, knowing he approached it in this way, it might be something you can enjoy as long as you don’t take it seriously.

The Happening really isn’t all that happening, it starts off badly with some almost forgivable early scenes, begins to get better for a while before plummeting back down into misery once again. For some reason Shyamalan likes to tart up his screenplays with weird bits of random and abstract dialogue/language, and not the endearingly abstract Juno style, but the disconcerting and annoying Younglings style. The political edge to the film only adds to in a sense of contrived idiocy, and the whole thing pans out like an elaborate attempt to reimagine ‘The Attack of the Triffids’.

So, the verdict? A piss poor 3 out of 10. Sorry, Shyamalan, but the only thing intellectually engaging about this movie is trying to figure out how to spell your name on my snub list

- teh Beard.

The Incredible Sulk

Yes, the movie portrayed Bruce Banner as a somewhat moody guy, playing the old lonesome routine, which made the film seem somewhat depressing… but then again the Green Mile was also, suicidally, and that was a tremendous piece of film that touched me, and not in the weird way the tramp down the road does. It made me cry, the Incredible Hulk didn’t, but it did make me feel like beating my hands against my chest and wearing a police car as boxing gloves.

An amiable take on the Incredible Hulk, and apparently a far more watchable attempt then Ang Lee’s version that lacked, frankly, any sense of pace for a Hollywood blockbuster. Still, that does not mean it was a perfect film. Inevitable comparisons to the awesome sauce that was Iron Man are going to arise in the vociferous circle of critics that seem to prowl the Internet making sure nobody can be too happy about any sort of hype anymore.

I was surprised, actually, when I found myself thinking ‘this dialogue is just not as good as the better movie’ because I did tell myself not to do it. It’s like comparing french cheese to God.

So, a smatteringly quick catch up finds us with a fresh history for Bruce Banner, and he’s been on the run for a few years being all bearded and Edward Nortony, which is quite a nice way to jump into the story (and we can thank the other Hulk movie for leaving us with a clearer introduction so that we don’t have to go through anything more of the tedious and outdated social commentary on the Cold War). This feels a lot more like the Incredible Hulk already, because we’re familiar with this… You might have seen the old series, or even the cartoon, Bruce Banner is going it alone with that all too saddening music in the background.

Yeah, that was even in the movie, which made me giggle.

It’s obvious that Marvel have stuck their foot in with the story, because it proves itself to be an action movie straight off but doesn’t let that get in the way of the soppy parts. I read somewhere that a lot of the screenplay was done by Edward Norton himself, and I hope that the parts I didn’t like weren’t him, because he’s cool and he was in Fight Club which means he must be a genius or something…

Wait, that logic suggest Brad Pitt is a genius. No.

Another criticism I might have of the movie is the overdone contrast between good characters and evil. I liked that they had the balls to make Hulk a bit more destructive in this, but I don’t like how the moment he’s stopped doing generic action points, he’s a bundle of love for Betty, and what I dislike above this is the lack of compassion either of the main antagonists seemed to convey or attract. They are too unamiable to be realistic villains, which ultimately makes them one dimensional characters and draws away from any sense of conflict and threat.

So there were a few part of the movie that bored me, but they were not obtuse and I would definatley enjoy watching that movie again.

Oh, and for the record the tramp down the road made me cry, too…

- Teh Beard

Indiana Blows

So now I am going to review Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

I am going to post the result of the review right here, and the bulk of the actual review in an extended section that, yes, contains rather dreadful spoilers… Spoilers that will not only ruin the story for you, but will probably ruin the story for you.

- teh Beard

Strike while the Iron Man is hot.

A few months ago I can remember seeing the teaser image of a man standing in a robotic suit, standing with his shoulders back, looking like a dark hero in that sexy metallic red and gold. I remember creaming a little as I realised what this meant: Iron Man was being developed. Iron Man, who is not perhaps the greatest comic book hero, but possibly one of the best to translate into other medias.

A while after the initial glee, however, I fell into dread. Perhaps it was an unfair knee jerk response to the dissapointments of the Marvel range recently, Spiderman 3 wasn’t well planned, Hulk had no pace for what was meant to be an action movie, Daredevil was just… crippled and MY OH MY X-Men 3 was just… just… ugh, don’t even let me go there because there was too much wrong in that movie! The trouble is, Iron Man was the first independant film that Marvel produced, which meant Iron Man would be the tell to see if making their own studio was a good idea, like sliced Malt Loaf, or a bad one, like the idea where they kill off or get rid of the powers for half the X-Men, turn Storm into a twat and make Xavier into an egotistical, amoral bastard…

Still, my initial instincts were proven flawless. That feeling of unrelenting joy? That moment of realisation that something awesome was going to happen? They managed to make a whole movie of it, yes, thats how awesome Iron Man is.

Iron Man is a movie that looked to be cool and turned out beyond cool. I’m serious here, it was actually amazing. The dialogue was good, the action was good, the acting was good, the story was good (and revitalised in some respects) and somehow, even though Tony Stark was portrayed as such a blatantly egotistical, womanizing, smart mouthed dick he is still likeable… nay, loveable.

I mean… I’d hit that.

So, the film was so good that I couldn’t even complain about it, and resorted to complaining about how other movies aren’t this one, and should be. I have to give it full marks, that’s right, 10/10.

Not so Retroreview: TMNT

Retrorating: **** out of *****
Yes, I might as well being that I watched it today and I have nothing better to write about.

TMNT, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles if you want to go through the obviously too laborious task of actually pronouncing the words, is a pretty decent movie. I’ve never had dellusions of grandeur, and my taste in movies might not be as elegant as some critics would like to think theirs are, but I know a typically bad movie compared to a typically good movie. I would put TMNT, or TNMT as I keep trying to spell it in the moderately good, watchable category. It’s been produced for kids, hasn’t it? I have to take that into account. The dialogue is actually decent, and if anything this movie boasts a good screenwriter behind all the shiny special effects.

Part of me would prefer to see this in traditional animation, I’m not entirely sure what continuity this film is based in but it seems to follow on from the old Ninja Turtles cartoon… The CGI is very nice, though at times the turtles look a bit too much like the chickens in Chicken Run. It doesn’t really remind me of the old Turtles, though… I can’t even remember what the old Turtles was like, really, and I think because of this I’d prefer if they had completely remade the story.

Classic dynamics are all there, though Leonardo is a little more on edge than I’d expect, Raphael is all moody again… and not a few blades short of cutting on himself. Michaelangelo gets to ham it up and Donatello? Well, he gets about 3 lines of dialogue. Obviously, he’s not all that interesting. Shame, that.

The choreography is brilliant. I’m not even kidding, this is the best big of CGI fighting you’re going to see since the introduction to Onmushua 3, or Final Fantasy: Advent Children… (mind you, Advent Children had some strange stuff going on in the fight scenes).

Something about the way gravity works in TMNT seems a little off, but that’s so trivial I might as well be complaining that Kasey’s eyes are the wrong colour.

Fucking hell, I mean… THEY ARE THOUGH!

Retroreview Numero Uno: Spaced

Retrorating: ***** out of *****

I’ve just finished working my way through the box set of ‘Spaced’ with Emily, the one that she picked up for my birthday. I’d like, perhaps as pointless filler for my blog, to talk about it today, because this particular situation comedy, this god amongst all other genre refreshing titles has had both of us lapping at it’s succulent comedy teet for the best part of half a week now.

I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for the labours of having to sleep, eat and work we’d probably have gotten through it in about 8 or 9 hours, actually, and the strange thing is that would seem a more natural way to watch it. It’s obvious to me that a full run through would be fitting, as Spaced is so brilliantly the spandex-clad birth-child of paranoid, offbeat nerds. The padawan of a whole next generation of Lara loving, nazinintendo fanboys… Sleepless gamers who watch zombie movies at four in the morning and quote 80s television… Master cross-texturalists who watch through four to six in one sitting and pretend that they’re still one to three. These people would want their show watched in this way. It is the true way.

I shall have to accomplish this, perhaps in the summer with some friends and the new Smash Bros to fall back on.

So, moving away from that over exerted effort of text onto my thoughts, Spaced was born out of a generation before me, and in a semi-sickening manner it actually makes me nostalgic for a past that isn’t even my own. I’m not usually one to wish I could go back in time like this, wanting to be the Doctor or even the man who would be Chewbacca from the Timeslice presentation, but Spaced brings this out of me. It makes me want to be that little bit older, so I could have experienced the Playstation 1 without the need to experience Croc and Spiro at the same time without getting game over every other minute. I mean, christ, I’d settle on experiencing Tekken in it’s retro glory, and I don’t even like Tekken that much.

Before this week, I had never sat down and watched through the entire series chronologically, in fact, I don’t think I even saw the final episode. For some strange reason, however, it all seems strangely familiar to me… as if I was watching something I had dreamed in the future.

Spaced is one of the funniest sitcoms out there, and it’ll make you feel clever if you can even manage a fourth of the references and parodies they make (especially in the second series, though they do seem more pointed). If you haven’t seen it, YouTube it. If you’ve seen it, watch it again. If you’re watching it, stop reading this.