Chocolate Devilry

There is something wrong with this new advert from Thornton’s. I can’t explain what, but there is definatley something most notably evil.

I’m not really sure what to say, other than to present the case that this child must be spawn of the devil. If you can’t tell from just the spooky composition they’ve decided to put in the background, the obvious fact that he can stop time and play about with the space continuum at the briefest whim should be evidence enough.

What pushed me over the edge of belief, however, was the strange clothes that the child wears. Just… re-watch it. Look at the horrific yellow turtleneck he takes such delight in wearing. Look at that weird pair of trousers he’s got on, they’re too short, without a single crease, mark or cuff and… THAT HAIR! THAT FAKE ASS HAIR! IT’S NOT REAL! This is no child. This is not even a human… He’s very itchy, “Does your flesh suit not fit you well, evil devil child?”

What the hell? What kind of audience are Thornton’s trying to appeal to?

I figure Thornton’s chocolate must be some kind of evil drug. Heck, maybe chocolate is some kind of evil drug. It’s all part of an evil conspiracy to make people fat. In essence, it makes you feel good when you eat it and you end up getting fat, which makes you miserable and sucks you into a cycle of self hate until you die.



About James

Uberbeard, otherwise known as James Crawford has just graduated from the Arts University Bournemouth, taking a course in Interactive Media. He's known to enjoy washing, eating and sleeping.

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December 2007
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