So, overall this Christmas Day has been pretty good. My expectations are never usually high, a tactic which often leaves me very pleased with the result. Yes, I enjoyed myself today. Still…


Scrooge mode, activate!
I’m not a huge fan of Christmas. The idea is nice, but the context behind it has been all but smothered in it’s own effluence… The whole holiday has been so distorted, I aim to stick my head in the sand and try to enjoy the good things about it, and there are good things. Still, I’ll have a little moan before I do. That’s what blogs are for, right?

Firstly, there’s a rosy cheeked, fat man in red I keep seeing a lot. I’ve done some research, and I’m pretty sure he’s a child molester, lulling them into a false sense of security with elaborate gifts and toys, constructed with an army of slave children I might add, before putting his ‘lump of coalup their ‘stockings‘. (I apologise for that one, it wasn’t brilliant.)
He knows when you’ve been naughty. Santa knows.

That’s right. “Father Christmas!” What an idol, what a dream it must be to have someone so perfect to get people buying things! Some shy guy in the 4th century starts giving money to the poor without them knowing who he is and suddenly you’re getting people giving their money to YOU, brilliant. Who cares if it has nothing to do with what and why we’re celebrating, nothing like a good old Christian holiday to corrupt thoroughly. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Commercialism isn’t the only problem we have plaguing this time of year, but I can’t help but think it as the WORST ONE. It’s nice to focus on something big, something singular we can tackle… Maybe if it’d go, we’d stop the ridiculous money and energy waste, the casual rise in depression and the incessant whining of people who “ordered gifts online that didn’t come.” You were warned… Or perhaps you should neuter your cat. Wow… I just linked to the Daily Mail, I feel dirty. Mind you, I am complaining, so perhaps it’s just a little apt.

Back to the blog at hand, if we get rid of the commercialism, what have we got? I wouldn’t want to celebrate Christmas without it, it’s actually part of the appeal. What the hell is up with that? We’re shooting out own feet. For me, Christmas has no integrity or meaning, I’ve opened my eyes past, “Oooh, toys.” (well, that’s not entirely true) and it’s all gone wrong.

It has become Commercialistmas, a word I have, without outside intervention, invented… before finding it scattered about the net! IT IS NOT HERE, HOWEVER, SO I INVENTED IT. NYAH.
I now intend to say as much as humanly possible…

As true as the term is I’ll still go out and join in.
I like getting new coats. =)

“Ahem. Humbug.”

You know what? There’s something else… I do not like Christmas cards. No, sorry, but I just don’t want to buy a card in which I write those stupid four words,
“To you,” and “From me,
“x x x”
If I have a present for you, I will say something in person when I give it to you.
I do not want to write in a card when I’ve just spent time and money thinking about what to get you. You will open that card and read it in front of me. If you have such a bad memory that you’ll forget what I said then I can always copy it onto a disk…

That said, if I don’t have a present for you, then I will write you a card and I will say something sweet, or funny, or nice, or heartfelt…
Or crude. If you’re George Miller.


My family got together and didn’t do anything crazy, nobody even argued much. I’m not going to lie, I like to turn into mumble mode every now and then, but it is nice to get together and enjoy the fact that for, at least once in the year, we’re thinking about each other instead of ourselves.

I am very pleased with the gifts, and also very pleased that Emily seemed to like hers too! Horah! Success! Banhoff!

Merry Crimbo, folks, don’t let my lack of moral integrity spoil the holidays or anything.


About James

Uberbeard, otherwise known as James Crawford has just graduated from the Arts University Bournemouth, taking a course in Interactive Media. He's known to enjoy washing, eating and sleeping.

2 responses to “Commercialistmas…

  1. Joe

    If you google “Commercialistmas” now, this is actually the first page that comes up. Congratulations, somehow =P I’m sure some clever dotcom marketing people would be proud.

  2. Damn those Commercialist marketing people!


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December 2007
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