My vajayjay is painin!

I’ve been thinking quite a lot about the varying degrees of selfishness that I’ve seen other people make, and the moments of selfish behavior and unselfish behavior I’ve made myself. I don’t believe in Karma as a concept, but I do believe in balance and I think that without keeping a favorable internal perhaps moral balance we can have a negative effect on our mental state, even if it is subconsciously.

Guilt is a powerful emotion, but it’s connected to our view of morality which is not an emotion at all, it is not an intrinsic part of our natural being. I feel that there is nothing wrong with certain swear words, so long as you are not using them to cause specific offense, and thus I swear indiscriminately in my blog and in general. I am not over enthusiastic about it, swearing is nothing special to me so in the end I don’t feel like it adds or detracts from my use of language. It’s overused to the point that is has become redundant.
My Nan, however, might swear when she is upset but I have no doubt that she would never use a term like “piss bubbles” or “fucklet dinglebummer” to illicit a giggle out of someone. There are of course other reasons past guilt for not swearing, but there is a level of guilt we associate with bad words. The concept of bad words aggravates my curiosity of etymology, because if you do not consider the words bad, they are not bad words. How does a word become bad? Does it have to commit a word crime first? After it’s done it’s time as a bad word, does it get released into society again on probation? Well, I guess Pratt still has some offensive meaning, and it no longer means anus.

I’ve always been frustrated with people when I see overly black and white displays of selfishness, and I favour the comparison between conscious and unconscious levels of ignorance, because if I didn’t I’d have no respect for myself at all, an attitude that seems to have been favoured by others. I mention no names.

I know that I am not alone in moments of disbelief at the outrageous choices other people make, annoyed and confused and left wondering how someone could do so when it seems too blindingly obvious that they’re being a complete and utter dick. Unfortunately for this blog, but I suppose thankfully for the rest of everything, ever, these moments are few and far between, though you can often spot the likely candidates from across a room. Selfishness is hardly that black and white, which makes the whole thing a lot more difficult to decode. Especially when you reach a situation where two people are both being a bit selfish, unknowingly or not.

Returning to that idea, I wouldn’t like to think I was ever consciously selfish but sometimes I know, and will have to admit to being forgetful, thoughtless or even plainly inconsiderate depending on how extreme you want to make it sound. When I can view a situation without personal bias, which is an almost impossible task, when I know all the results of my decision, when I can look at something objectively? I would like to think I would choose the more selfless decision. I mean, unless there was a pretty good reason on my end I know I would make the right decision, because that’s what objectivity is about. Unfortunately, as I said, it is impossible.

It’s difficult to approach a problem in yourself when the problem is that you don’t have that subconsious nack for reading situations clearly. To find oneself with a clearly rational approach to an argument, only to find that there are other considerations involved can pull you out of a comfort zone that you set yourself in. Critical evaluation becomes difficult in moments like these, and you lose your ability to fast track. Am I the only one who finds that rethinking your argument is quite difficult while you’re still trying to argue it? To have that ability to forward think all of the problems you will face is quite simply astounding to me. I exacerbates matters, that means to make things worse. I’m quoting here, not trying to patronize you my dear and few readers.

Education is a simple thing. You study and you get clever and remember things. So are skills, you practice and you get better at them. Improving yourself is a gradual process, but it’s certainly achieveable in most walks of life and it’s fairly difficult to be alive without doing so somehow (if you’re not trying to improve yourself at something in life, I don’t understand how you could respect yourself). The trouble is, how do you remember something when the problem is that you’re not remembering it? How do you get out of this strange cycle of being an idiot? Evolution itself is only a series of cunning accidents, how the hell are you supposed to improve is there is nobody there with the patience to do it with you and point out, gently, that you are quite wrong. Cue parents, but I’ve gotten past the point where I look to anyone in a motherly or fatherly sense. I have a strong sense of family, and I know that everyone is there for me, but I don’t feel like any of them know me that well.

It is a shame that there are no anti-complacency kits available to buy from e-bay, because in the end it’s either such a problem that you’re forced to change or you get stuck in a cycle where to be able to better yourself you have to have already gotten to the point you want to achieve.

Selfishness is unavoidable anyway, every day we make decisions on all scales of the selfish chart, where we weigh up the positives and negatives, whether we’ll leave satisfied or guilty, contented or frustrated. Will I remember to grab the dictophone so I can record the lecture for Rhett? Do I stay 30 minutes longer so I can keep Chris company? Is it worth travelling back to southampton to see Emily, and will I be able to do that without leaving work that I said I would get done unfinished? What is the god damn day? Don’t I have to go into University?

We’ve got a brilliant moral compass, well some of us have, that manages to make these decisions for us without us even thinking about it. We base a system of law on our ability to weigh up what’s fair in our lives.
And my final thoughts are, you can draw a seed of selfishness out of any action. Without selfishness the average Joe (not you Joe) doesn’t have any motivation. It’s nice when someone pledges their whole life to bettering the situations of others. Nice, but sadly not real. I lose a certain amount of integrity for thinking that, but I’m willing to risk it to end my blog with a bitchy bang.

Holy motherfucking platypenis
, I think my washing machine is about to implode and take the flat with it. If I do not blog again, I died in a horrific suds related accident.


About James

Uberbeard, otherwise known as James Crawford has just graduated from the Arts University Bournemouth, taking a course in Interactive Media. He's known to enjoy washing, eating and sleeping.

2 responses to “My vajayjay is painin!

  1. mathew

    the question is, does the way you deal with an imploding washing machine
    become an analogy of the way you deal with life?

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February 2008
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