Mat Wos Here.

“Today I woke up sad and alone.”

“My penis was only erect to half mast, which set the day off to a bad start because I had to masturbate more than usual to get from semi to fully erect. On top of that when I did come it wasn’t as good as usual. To paraphrase, “I spent the majority of the day feeling like a loaf of stale bread.” Later, to cheer myself up I searched for Bouncy Castles on Google, this was way more effective than I possibly could have imagined and I was in a good enough mood after to make myself a cup of tea and crack on with a bit of Guitar Hero… This only served to remind me that I will never be in a world famous rock band, thus spiraling me down into an endless pit of depression and self loathing.”

“To remedy what was already becoming a dire situation, I decided against my better judgment that it was in fact ‘Peanut Butter Jelly Time’, the untold sandwichy goodness lifted my spirits no end and I decided to go for a walk round the block, as the rain had stopped and I felt like a change of scenery. I don’t know, my mind has gone blank…”

And that’s as far as Mat got in dictating my day, so he’s not quite as longwinded as Joe but that’s not a bad thing. Damn you, Joe. Damn you and your damn blog.


So, yeah. That’s my blog for today, do you want a pint?

– Teh Ubarfaceman


About James

Uberbeard, otherwise known as James Crawford has just graduated from the Arts University Bournemouth, taking a course in Interactive Media. He's known to enjoy washing, eating and sleeping.

2 responses to “Mat Wos Here.

  1. Mate, I was scrolling through looking for “Lawrence’s Mum” when I came across this post titled “Mat wos here” and quite honestly was a bit surprised that you have been writing about my effect on your life since 2008.

    Literally hadn’t read this untill today.

    Just one question, Did I actually dictate your actions for the day mentioned in this post?

  2. Those are direct quotes from what you said for me to write, Brewer.

    I was taking guest posts at the time, you see.

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March 2008
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