“Today I woke up sad and alone.”
“My penis was only erect to half mast, which set the day off to a bad start because I had to masturbate more than usual to get from semi to fully erect. On top of that when I did come it wasn’t as good as usual. To paraphrase, “I spent the majority of the day feeling like a loaf of stale bread.” Later, to cheer myself up I searched for Bouncy Castles on Google, this was way more effective than I possibly could have imagined and I was in a good enough mood after to make myself a cup of tea and crack on with a bit of Guitar Hero… This only served to remind me that I will never be in a world famous rock band, thus spiraling me down into an endless pit of depression and self loathing.”
“To remedy what was already becoming a dire situation, I decided against my better judgment that it was in fact ‘Peanut Butter Jelly Time’, the untold sandwichy goodness lifted my spirits no end and I decided to go for a walk round the block, as the rain had stopped and I felt like a change of scenery. I don’t know, my mind has gone blank…”
And that’s as far as Mat got in dictating my day, so he’s not quite as longwinded as Joe but that’s not a bad thing. Damn you, Joe. Damn you and your damn blog.
So, yeah. That’s my blog for today, do you want a pint?
– Teh Ubarfaceman