Readers beware, I have been convinced by the not too convincing powers of Facebook to complete a random quiz posted on a note! Do not fear, I have not gone insane (totally) as I am neither going to take this deadly serious or expect you to read through the entire thing, in fact I’m putting it as a ‘more’ button so that you don’t even have to see it!
Read on at risk of brain cancer…
Will you answer every question honestly?
Absolutely not! Why would I do that? That’s bloody bonkers, the whole world could know things about me that I don’t want them to know!
Have you ever stayed up all night while drunk or high?
I’ve stayed up all night playing Mario Kart Wii, and that’s about as close as a man can come to multiple orgasms without some kind of chemical influence! Still, I don’t think any of my experiences really count as being drunk or high… There was one time when Julian forced me to drink vodka when I was staying round him, and that night resulted in many Gamecube games being played, and the unforgettable moment where he hit me with a stick and I went flying through his cupboard door.
Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
No, but I might consider it if I can find out who’s writing these bloody questions.
Do you miss anything or anyone?
I miss a lot of things, actually. The other day, Mat saw a fox run across the road and I was too busy picking my nose to notice it.
What makes you laugh no matter what?
Who was the last person you talked to?
The leprechaun who lives in my sock draw and tells me to burn things.
What/who do you dislike at the moment?
Pretty much everything. I’m quite talented at finding something to hate about stuff, you could even call me a big ball of rage, only my hatred isn’t the loud, impudent raging kind of hate… It’s more like the quiet brooding hate that eventually leads to a school shooting.
Name one person on your top friends who is the most like you?
…okay, I found this on Facebook but I imagine now that it’s been lifted off of Myspace. What one do I choose? Oh god! Oh GOD!
Wait, what? How do these types of questions get harder?
Do you get butterflies around the people you like?
Do I get what? No, I’m pretty sure butterflies don’t hover around the people I like otherwise that’d be really weird and I’d probably be burned or drowned…
OH! Oh right! Butterflies, yeah… No, no I don’t.
Will you get married?
If I do, it’ll probably be to an animal. Let’s face it, you girls aren’t lining up for me are you. (could you line up for me, that’d make it really easy!)
Will you be having sex in the near future?
Yes, with myself.
Do you lie about your age?
Sometimes I do pretend I am 900 years old. It rarely works. C’mon though, what is the target audience for this quiz? Underage teenagers who are humping each other like crazy and making marriage plans? Oh right, there are loads of them!
VERY PERSONAL QUESTIONS
Are you happy with yourself?
Not really. It’s a good thing I don’t have to put up with myself.
Would you change yourself for the person you love?
I did and it didn’t work, enough said.
What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
“Let’s be honest, it’s probably your fault mate!”
When did you last cry?
When I got Mario Kart Wii… Glorious…
Do you believe in religion?
No, I don’t believe in religion! Christianity is fake! There is no buddhism! None of it exists, my argument is credible even if you HAVE been too a church, or met someone who was religious… Why? Because… er…
Do I believe in correct grammar? Yes. Yes I do.
When was the last time you fell asleep with a girl and who was it with?
I’ll say Emily, but I did fall asleep watching a movie with Arisa and Alisa (har har) for about 20 minutes before waking up and pretending I had been paying attention the whole time.
What was the last lie you told your parents?
“Yes, I’m eating healthily Nan!”
Did you ever wish a close friend to death?
Yes, we were so close that I wished them to death… Wished them to death? What the fuck term is that?
Has a guy ever seriously punched you more than once?
This question may be fielded more to a female audience… Oh this whole quiz must be for girls, how lame.
Have you ever made out until you ran out of breath?
Yeah, but she was a compulsive jogger.
Do you think you were ever in love?
Have you ever dated your friend’s ex?
Have you done bad things with your parents near by?
Yeah, I played Doshin the Giant… It was… bad…
Have you started a horrible rumor about somebody?
No, but did you know that Christopher William Pegg once bent over, dropped his trousers and stuck his thumb up his arse in front of Mat and me!
Did you ever fail the school year?
The school failed me dammit!
Have you ever done hallucinogenic drugs?
I don’t think so, but I can’t remember… I’ll just ask my life long friend, Tom the red Elephant!
Have you ever been too drunk to remember a certain night?
I don’t remember…
Do you think your future will be a good one?
I’m hoping for a Blade Runner kind of future, but I guess I could be content with iRobot!
Did you date anyone this past summer?
How’s your ex doing?
Painfully well, it seems. Oh the joy.
Is there someone you want to fight for?
Nope, I’m a pussy!
What color shirt were you wearing when your last kiss took place?
What color shirt were YOU wearing when you wrote this fucking quiz?
Yeah, that’s what I thought!
Does anyone like you?
I believe so. It’s hard to tell!
What’s your middle name?
What were you doing an hour ago?
This fucking quiz, it’s so long!
What does your last text message in your inbox say?
Do you wear the seatbelt in the car?
Yes! And I wear the pants in the relationship! (lies)
Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
Drunk with PASSION!
Why did your last relationship end?
Don’t ask me, it wasn’t my choice!
Who did you last talk to on the phone?
I shouted at Su.
Where will you be in the next hour?
Thank you, thank you!