Jeff Bryan: Biography

Hey guys, I have a bit of an odd one here, but I’m going to post it anyway because I want a couple of people to read it.

Those of you who know me might know what I mean when I used the term ‘roleplaying’ in relation to myself, of which I am not referring to any RPG genre or Dungeons and Dragons club (though I have been known to frequently discuss those too). What I actually mean is a form of interactive story telling, where you take the role of a character in a giant story full of other characters and carve out as interesting tale as you can before you get him killed by running into a gang of giant unhappy lizard-men. Anyway, I have been roleplaying for a long time (try 5 years) and it’s a way for me to write a lot without hiding it away. It’s also an escape, access to a different, consistent world in which I have a part of it. I would reccomend trying it if you like writing, if not? Stick to reading harry potter fan-fiction.

Still, I have recently written in a new character and what comes with this new character is a new character biography. I’m pretty pleased with what I have, though I think it ends rather flatly, so if you’re interested expand this article and have a read.

He is known as Jeff Brian, Jeff Ryan, Geoff Ryan and others, depending on what film credits you look at.

Jeff is a star of the silver screen… or depending on how you believe the future will really look, the see-through blue hologram… He was actually born Norman Bates, and the story of how he came to his fame is an interesting one, if not an odd story. He was born in the Rebrant Hospital, Hesperia on Mars. It was the 12th of November, 3983 when he first laid eyes on the strange, hairy doctor helping him into the world. Yes, that would make him 25, and perhaps at the beginning of his true life.

He was a healthy baby, if a little on the large size; as far as his mother was concerned he was slightly too healthy. Hospital staff attest, even now, that Norman was the most unbearably ugly baby that they had ever seen. One of the doctors even took a picture to commemorate what was a milestone in his career. Norman’s parents, Garth Bates and Sydney Pointon, were both in the entertainment business, actors who had met on the set of a movie. Neither of them had ever become particularly successful, mainly due to his mother’s lack of good looks and his father’s lack of acting ability.

Norman did not see much of his mother when he was growing up as a child, because she did not remain tied to Garth. She was a dedicated career woman, or at least this was the excuse she could use to avoid any sense of responsibility to anyone else. This meant Norman was raised almost entirely by his father, though he was quite often put in the hands of his father’s best friend Eric Opal, who was a producer and one of the few reasons Garth still had a steady stream of business. It would later help Norman, too, when he was calling himself Jeff and pretending to do his own stunts.

In his very early life, Norman struggled through school being bullied. He remained ‘healthy’ until his teens, which meant the other kids in school often had a lot of weight to tease him with, no pun intended. Norman was never very academically talented either, and did not have the willpower to put more than a slight effort into his studies, so he came out of school with below average scores on his qualifications. It was alright by him, however, because he did not feel he needed them. What Norman really wanted to do was become a professional wrestler. It was a dream he had kept alive since he had caught the end of a wrestling show three years previous to his graduation. It was, at first, an extremely foreign entertainment to him. His father rarely watched anything but holovideos of films he had been in himself, and did not often allow much else for Norman to view.

His father would often tell him stories about his ‘success’ of a career that he had before Norman was born, most of which were exaggerated. The story Norman was told the most, however, and one that wasn’t as falsified as you would assume, was about his father’s greatest role; that of a freedom fighter in an action movie, loosely based on historical events. His father had played a hero called Jeff Ryan, and had won an acting award for it, of which he kept in a special cabinet dedicated to his single achievement. It was his fathers pride, to the point that he carried a picture of it around in his wallet, just next to a picture of this really ugly baby being cuddled by what could be a crossbreed between a Zangali and a woman. Presumably, a picture of Norman’s mother holding him after birth.

Norman began steps towards his early dreams by body building when he came out of education, it was not long before he was crowned 3rd place in the Hesperia Junior Body Building Championships. He was not a tumorous mass of muscle and steroids yet, however, and still qualified as being conventionally good looking enough to get the occasional piece of male modeling as a side career. In fact, the extra weight was all but turned into muscle now, and it seemed he had grown into a rather attractive man, thanks to an abundance of handsome features he had inherited from his mother.

The story of how Norman became a movie star is a curious one, which start off rather morbidly with the death of his father on the 13th of June, 3998. Garth Bates had a heart attack whilst working, he was on the set of ‘Vengeance is Messy’ he was delivering the one line he had as an extra when he stopped and started to cough. Norman had arrived on set to pick his father up after he was done and was waiting around. Of course, he ran out to help his father. His father died in his arms, managing to finish the last movie line he would ever deliver. It wasn’t particularly convincing, but to be fair on him he was dying at the time which probably made a slight difference to his acting ability.

Norman was devastated and broke down on set. Unsure of what what going on, the rest of the crew continued filming and the whole scene was captured on film. After giving him a while to console his grief, the director approached Norman with the footage and asked if they could incorporate it into their movie, as it was ‘stunningly real’ and ‘captured the true meaning of suffering’. They convinced Norman that nothing would be as big a tribute to his father’s life then incorporating his final moments on film as well. The film’s script was changed to include Norman as one of the leads: an unstable anti-hero, looking for revenge after his father was murdered.

Norman had thought this as a one-off piece of work, considering it nothing more than a tribute as he was convinced. It was not long after the film was released, though, that he was headhunted by another small-time director who had confused him with his father. He wanted someone who could act out a realistic looking death, and of course the death that was in ‘Vengeance is Messy’ was pretty realistic (though some people debate that you can see him still breathing). After the confusion was lifted, the director offered Norman the job anyway in embarrassment, so long as he could emulate the first scene he did with his father. Though bizarre, Norman took the job, he needed the money and he considered it another tribute to his father. In keeping with this, he took the stage name ‘Jeff Ryan’ because it was his father’s famous role.

His second film, ‘Death Killer 3’ was an indie success, partly due to how bad the script really was. The now called ‘Jeff’ appeared to have had all the talent that his father had thirsted for and he realized too that he enjoyed it. He had always been pushed towards acting as a child, which could be the only reason he was never interested in it. The moment he did not feel pushed towards it he actually started to like it.

Since his early success, ‘Jeff Ryan’ found an agent and went on to lead a quick road towards minor fame, finding a particular niche in the film market: corny action movies. Oddly, in his 10 year acting career every movie that he has been involved in he has played a character that has died aside from his first, a quirk that might be something he’s aimed himself towards – or just because he’s so good at dying everyone wants him to do it. In a couple of his recent movies he has played a character who has died and then come back – directors are a little wary of writing this in now, however, because it seems to be a rather tired plot twist. Regardless of what others have theorized, he himself has maintained that it is just part of his acting persona and there is simply too much cast-typing involved in the movie industry.

Nowadays, he spends his personal life avoiding the press and acting as stereotypically ‘movie star’ as he can. Parties, hot women, drinking, drugs and the whole rock and roll lifestyle – it’s unsure if he does it all but he certainly makes out like he does.

– teh Beard


About James

Uberbeard, otherwise known as James Crawford has just graduated from the Arts University Bournemouth, taking a course in Interactive Media. He's known to enjoy washing, eating and sleeping.

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July 2008
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