I keep getting told I’m grumpy.
It was a ‘Catch 22’ situation yesterday, where I was only getting frustrated with people because they kept telling me I was being grumpy, and of course I was – because of them! I could have broken the cycle by putting on a smile, granted, but I’m too transparent when I get annoyed and I was getting a little big of snark thrown my way towards the end of the morning. This is something I don’t appreciate, I hope to think I’m big enough to accept it if someone doesn’t like me and that no matter how wonderful I am there will always be someone who isn’t able to put up with my excessive behaviour, but to be snippy with someone and approach it with snide remarks? Isn’t that a bit juvenile, not to mention contrived.
There are people I don’t like, sure, but if anything I would call myself honest, at worst just uncomfortably frank. I’m not malicious, and my confidence takes a dent when other people tend to slyly jab at me, in jest or not. Perhaps I should stop expecting people to approach things in the same way I would, I seem to be the freak in most social case studies.
Anyway, I get the feeling that people aren’t actually reading my expressions properly anymore. In some respects, it may be a case of the boy who cried wolf, in where I look so ‘miserable’ all the time, people have come to expect it. It’s become normal, and thus the emotion means nothing when people see it on my face. Perhaps I’m just more tiresome then is pleasant to consider. Perhaps people just don’t like me, and they don’t give a shit. I’m not really that content with any of these explanations, so as soon as I can think of one that doesn’t take a big dump all over my self esteem I’ll go with that one.
One thing has to be said, because it is true enough that I am usually happy enough in my misery, if that even makes sense. My frown is upside down, even if I have a genuine reason to be upset… Well, heck! At least I have a reason! I don’t usually talk about problems, and if I do I tend to moan. Because of this, people don’t seem to have the patience to listen to a single line of dialogue when I sound like I have even the slightest of complaint on my voice.
So now I have no way to put forward any concerns without seriously monitoring my tone, which is hard. I’m certainly not the type of person who can smile a frown away, If I’m pulling a scowl I imagine it can stay on there for indefinite until I find a good reason to break it. Yes! I like to think I have strong ideals, and perhaps I am no idealist because I do not solely act upon those, but I stick to them and I stick to my feelings.
I’m not sure what I am in a labeled respect, I certainly have a morbid outlook on life, and I can be pretty pessimistic when I’m talking about other people, or fielding an opinion on something, but when it comes to my personal outlook? I’m not sure, quietly confident I suppose, though perhaps not as abrasively positive some people can be.
You know the ones. They giggle a lot and wear too much pink.
I hate people like that.