Champagne

Firstly, I should thank my Dad for pushing the best part of a bottle of champagne at me during dinner tonight. We ate out, for Mother’s Day, and I have come back needing my bed. Tucked up, cosy as ever, I write this.
I tried a trial at Match.com this weekend for shits and giggles, on the Dr Pepper principle, but as it turns out everyone is either really fat or a complete stereotype. Wait, that should be and/or, because 80% of them are both.

I enjoy romantic meals, walks on the beach and ‘insert generic sport here’. My favorite quality in men is humor, and they shouldn’t take themselves too seriously… For some reason, after having searched for ‘the one’ in all the nightclubs in Bournemouth, it turns out all the guys I hooked up with were narcissistic wankers, I just don’t understand my bad luck?!?!

I’m pretty sure there isn’t as contrived a collection of personals in the entire universe, and you have to consider that I am writing this as a note on Facebook.

Yes, every now and then there is a rare gem that sparkles out in the sea of womanly mediocrity, but advances on an internet dating site are a bit feeble… and I’m not sure my profile picture is as good as it could be, unless you girls are really after Chewbacca.

Still, I’ve had enough champagne tonight to lower my standards (I’m sure) and they all still appear grotesque and uninteresting. I now face resignment, perhaps I will actually have to brave a conversation with someone… and be lucky enough for them to be both interesting and equally interested.

No. I’m fucked.
Really, we’re all fucking fucked. (totally not the champagne talking)

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About James

Uberbeard, otherwise known as James Crawford has just graduated from the Arts University Bournemouth, taking a course in Interactive Media. He's known to enjoy washing, eating and sleeping.

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